


Identity

by seokmine



Category: SEVENTEEN (Band)
Genre: Angst, M/M, ahhahaha, ayeee, but not really, more seokmin based?, side meanie, soonseok
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-09-11
Updated: 2016-09-24
Packaged: 2018-08-14 10:32:51
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,643
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8010241
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/seokmine/pseuds/seokmine
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>More often than not , the happiest people tell the saddest tales.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Chapter 1**

“you think you could ever stop running?” a voice spoke in the darkness. there was an amused tone to it that made seokmin feel mocked. It made seokmin feel stupid. A sharp pointed tip dragged against Seokmin’s side _.  _ Seokmin knew that pens should be writing essays and not dragged forcibly across a 10 year old’s skin but Seokmin did not have the courage nor the strength to fight back. The lights were turned on and Seokmin silently felt a bit grateful that he could at least make out where he was being  _ tortured _ . He was in a closet with four of his tormentors. Seokmin felt his chest tighten, suddenly feeling very claustrophobic. Seokmin wanted to scream,wanted to run but he was trapped. A smirk crept across the leader of his bullies, Seokmin wanted to cry. “get to work boys”. Before Seokmin could process what the fuck was going on, there were 3 pairs of hands all over his body, popping off buttons from his shirt, his school pants, tearing off pieces of fabric as Seokmin tried to struggle. Seokmin felt violated, felt cheap and weak for not being able to fight back. The boys spared him some dignity by leaving his underwear on but not without tying him up. “now i get to have my fun”. said the leader again. He touched Seokmin  _ everywhere _ ,pinching parts of Seokmin’s tender white skin, leaving bruises that would stay for god knows how long. After violating Seokmin utterly, he proceeded to make Seokmin his punching bag, leaving Seokmin with more bruises and blood,  _ blood  _ everywhere. As if the humiliation wasn't enough, they locked Seokmin in the closet and left him, broken and bruised.

  


_ Aju nice!  _ The studio was abuzz with the sound of activity. Most of the boys were taking a break due to Jeonghan’s incessant whining of being tired that was seriously affecting the team’s spirit till Hoshi thought that maybe it was time for a break. Hoshi, however was still hard at work, modifying and making minor tweaks to their choreography,making sure everything was perfect. Seventeen was set to comeback in a week and Hoshi was putting in his 200% to make sure people would see just what Seventeen was capable off. Not many people saw this serious side of Hoshi and Dokyeom couldn't argue that he found it just a tiny bit attractive. Woozi, too was hard at work, correcting notes and helping Seungkwan with his parts. To be honest, though Woozi scared the crap out of Dokyeom and there have been moments where Woozi made him doubt his worth as a singer but nonetheless he was a good leader and Dokyeom was grateful for his small vocal unit leader. Hip Hop team never seemed to take a break, they were sat in a circle going over their rap again,Mingyu was being super distracting though, constantly hugging and laying his head on Wonwoo (not that Wonwoo didn't secretly enjoy the affection from the younger). It was moments like this, where Dokyeom was sat in a corner of the room just  _ watching  _ his members doing things like stretching, warming up, practicing or just lazing around that Dokyeom felt some sort of satisfaction with his life. This crazy group of 13 was his home and he didn't think he would have wanted it any other way. 

  


You could say that Seokmin was born to be placed in a messed up situation. He was the product of two players who weren't careful during a one night stand and was only conceived purely because his grandparents were conservatives and did not believe in abortion. That didn't stop them from hating him anyway, never failing to remind him that he didn't have and shouldn't have had a place in this world. Seokmin’s father resented him and didn't even try to hide it from Seokmin. He was always the main cause for his parents’ arguments, with his mum on one side asking for money to pay for Seokmin’s education and his father on the other side saying, “Why must i spend money on something i didn't want?” 

  


Yea, safe to say Seokmin never celebrated his birthday or had much toys to play with while growing up. 

  


The only saving grace among all the madness was music. Seokmin didn't know he was good, all he knew was that he loved the feeling of each note that left his throat and reverberated across the room he was in. It was always singing that calmed Seokmin down during his worst nights, nights where his blood ran cold and he was shaking,trembling because the world got too much sometimes. However, singing was the only innocent thing that could calm him down. Seokmin was after all, pretty messed up. 

  


Living in a place like Seokmin's, i think it would be hard to love life. The constant mental abuse, the sound of bottles smashing, the sounds of moaning and crying, had become background noise that could be easily filtered out. There was only peace in the house when either one of his parents were out or when they were asleep. Seokmin’s father only came home for sex and to sleep,his heart was no longer with family but Seokmin’s mother still regarded him as her whole world, putting his useless father over everyone and everything else.

While kids were being tucked in warm beds and kissed goodnight on the cheek, Seokmin was out alone to escape the horrors of home, doing things that normal 11 year olds should not be doing.

Seokmin enjoyed the thrill of spilling blood and watching a helpless mouse or bird die in his hands, the way it wriggled and struggled in his own hands made Seokmin feel powerful and satisfied that he wasn't alone in his suffering in the world; at least in that moment of savagery. 

Seokmin remembers the day he made his first steal at a convenience store. The thrill,the adrenaline pumping through his veins as he ran and of course he remembered the guilt that followed afterward as well. It was close to 2am that night where his father had came home pissed off drunk and started to force himself onto his mother who was clearly not excited to consent to him but yet didn't find the courage to fight back.  _ typical.  _ Seokmin thought to himself as he left the house unnoticed. Seokmin remembered every step he took to the convenience store. He stepped into the store and remembered being startled by the bell that rang as he pushed the door open. Something in the back of Seokmin’s head was saying  _ don't do this,you don't want to get caught  _ but Seokmin’s anger told him that he didn't care if anyone caught him anyway, his parents couldn't give less of a shit so why should he? Seokmin wandered the shop aimlessly, he didn't want something too difficult to steal, nothing too big and bulky to carry so he settled on a small plush toy, the kind you can hang on your school bag. He tucked the plush into his inner jacket pocket. He could feel the suspicious eyes of the staff on duty burning into the back of his head. Seokmin adjusted his cap to conceal more of his face and pulled his facemask up higher.  _ 1,2,3  _ Seokmin counted in his head and ran the fuck out off that convenient store leaving behind a shocked convenient store staff and a faint “Hey come ba-”. Seokmin ran and ran, he didn't know when to stop, he only stopped when he felt his legs giving way and when he felt himself sweating in the middle of a snowy December night. He collapsed on a swing in a nearby playground and let out a heart wrenching sob. He let himself become vulnerable for that moment and spilled into his hands everything he held in up to that point. All the guilt,the self-hatred. Seokmin didn't know what could make him feel better because he never knew the feeling of having a proper emotional support. It was that night that Seokmin made a silent promise to himself to work hard and do whatever it takes to get out of this hellhole of a town. 


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Dk when messed up = seokmin  
> Dk when not messed up = Dk 
> 
> im doing the name jumping around thing on purpose to make the story feel deeper (?)

**Chapter 2**

“okay guys not trying to stir up suspicion or anything but remember when i was whining about losing my headphones?” Dino whispered when Seokmin left to the toilet.

“yea, it was seriously annoying.” Woozi deadpanned. Dino threw back an apologetic grin and Woozi softened his expression. (Woozi would never admit it but everyone in seventeen knew he held a soft spot for their maknae)

“anyway, not tryna say anything but on the same day i lost my headphones, Vernon told me he kinda saw Dokyeom hyung lurking around in my room. I mean there was really no reason for him to be there..?” Dino trailed off at the end, unsure of what the others would say.

Soonyoung didn't mean to, but he had grown a bit angry at the youngest. Dino’s practically accusing Seokmin of being a thief? It's understandable that Seokmin did look a little shady but how could Dino have that little trust in Seokmin that even for a second, the thought of Seokmin being a thief crossed his mind? Soonyoung wanted to speak up for Seokmin then, but Seokmin had already came back from the restroom. The tension in the room was so heavy that Soonyoung found it hard to breathe.

Soonyoung decided to save Seokmin from this mess of an awkward situation by taking Seokmin to a nearby,newly-opened, coffee shop he'd been meaning to check out for awhile.

“Ah Hyung but I don't like coffee…?”

“Well I'm sure you like spending time with your hyung right?”

Soonyoung loved spending time with Seokmin. Soonyoung had always been protective of his dongsaengs and loved taking care of those younger than him but.. for Seokmin it was different. Soonyoung didn't care for Seokmin because he felt it was his duty as a hyung, he cared for Seokmin in a genuine way and he often found himself putting Seokmin's happiness before anyone else's. Soonyoung guesses maybe it's because Seokmin was his comfort zone, the only person that could understand him and give him actual words of comfort that could make him feel better. Seokmin always had a way with Soonyoung and though Seokmin was younger, Soonyoung was always learning things from Seokmin. Soonyoung didn't feel like a hyung to Seokmin, the two of them just kind of.. fit together, like yin and yang. They were soulmates. Their thoughts,their souls, moved in the same wavelength and Soonyoung didn't know how he felt his life could have been complete before Seokmin came into his life.

“Seokmin-ah. Can I ask you something?” Soonyoung said whilst stirring sugar into his coffee. The cafe wasn't bad, it was comfortable and Soonyoung thinks he might come back whenever he needed a quiet space to think.

Seokmin flinched a little at the sound of his real name but nodded, prompting Soonyoung to ask his question. Soonyoung knew Seokmin was uncomfortable with people calling him his real name, though he never knew why. Only Soonyoung was allowed to call Seokmin by his real name, the others strictly had to call him Dokyeom and to that, Soonyoung didn't know why either. Soonyoung didn't ask and assumed it was probably because he kept forgetting and Seokmin just didn't try to correct him anymore. Dokyeom never sat right with Soonyoung anyway.

“Dino was telling the others that Vernon saw you in his room on the day he lost his earphones. You mind explaining?” The question came out hard for Soonyoung, he didn't want Seokmin to think he doubted him.

“Ah… if i tell you.. promise not to tell the others?” Seokmin muttered sheepishly. Soonyoung started to worry a little, could Seokmin really have…?

For some reason,Soonyoung couldn’t speak,his thoughts were scrambled everywhere from disbelief to anger to annoyance and everything was a mess. Due to a lack of words,Soonyoung nodded.

“I went in there to use a bit of Jun’s facial cream.. i mean that bitch has flawless skin man”

“.....i…. why am i not surprised that my best friend would do something like that” Soonyoung burst out in boisterous laughter. What felt like a serious crime was actually such a silly and random act that Soonyoung couldn't help but laugh at the strange turn of events.

After the laughter had calmed down, the two stayed at the cafe for another 2 hours just talking and being comfortable in each other's presence. Soonyoung just loved how comfortable they were with each other, that silence between the both of them was never awkward, it's like they could understand each other even without the other saying anything.

The duo started to head back for their dorm when Mingyu texted Soonyoung to come home for dinner as he wanted them to eat his cooking rather than outside food.

“Hyung will the others think that I stole Dino’s earphones and get awkward with me?”

Soonyoung hesitated but didn’t want to hurt the other and so he flashed Seokmin a bright toothy smile and said in a _much_ too cheery voice, “nope! I'm sure they trust you enough!” Soonyoung prays to God that Seokmin bought that.

The two headed back to the dorm and Soonyoung headed to his room while Seokmin stayed in the living room watching television.

Dokyeom loved evening time television the best,it was always filled with the funniest shows and though the humour was rather exaggerated, Dokyeom laughed hard at them anyway, earning eye rolls from most of the members who were too tired to even fake that they appreciated the overly hyped lame jokes.

And that's when it came back. That urge to take something. That feeling surging through his veins so strong that his hand started to tremble. Seokmin tried to stop it and continue watching television but his thoughts had become louder than the volume of the television. Seokmin turned up the television volume, louder, louder, louder. Anything to get the thoughts that whispered _take it,you know you need it_ out of his head.

“Ya! Dokyeom what's wrong with you? The television’s on full blast!! Are you okay??” Mingyu shouted from the kitchen.

Suddenly, the thoughts halted. Dokyeom snapped his eyes open and turned off the television,muttering a small “I'm sorry” to Mingyu. Dokyeom felt peaceful again and was grateful to Mingyu but the trembling had not faded out. Dokyeom was trembling so badly and when he remembered the reason why, the thoughts came flooding back in suffocating Seokmin. Seokmin was so tempted,he didn't even know why but he just wanted to feel the thrill of taking something that wasn't his. It had sort of became an obsessive desire but it's so easy to just take something that didn't belong to him and get away with it. After all,other people’s stuff always seem better don't they? Seokmin knew he had to stop but he didn't want to. He never wanted to stop feeling this thrill but hated that guilty, self-loathing feeling every time he stole something.

Still, Seokmin gave in to the temptation. He hated every step he took to Wonwoo’s bed. Wonwoo had bought a new beanie recently and was quite proud of it,wearing it whenever he got the chance to show it off. _Perfect_ item to steal. Seokmin looked around to make sure nobody was sitting around in the corner of the room or something and whipped the beanie off the bedpost before scrunching it up into a ball as small as he could get it to be. Seokmin turned around and was planning to make his quick escape but faltered when he saw someone standing at the door.

That someone was Soonyoung.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> alriiiight cliffhanger ayeee hahaha hope you guys liked this chapter!

**Author's Note:**

> i literally came up with this watching svt self introductions ahhaahhaha idek uwu anyway, if anyone is confused, seokmin is used when we're in the past and dokyeom is used when were in the present. there will be a lot of jumping around so just want to clear it up ahhahaha thanks for reading have a good day!!


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